April is very dear to my heart, as it is my birthday month. Although it takes place only five days in, I consider the whole month as a festive season for poetry and flowers. I’ve been pushing hard to write a poem every day during April, making this the second year I participate in National Poetry Month. Eighteen days in, I was really starting to get burned out and frustrated because I began to run out of words and patience. But ultimately, when the month will end, I know that I’ll miss April and its poetry.

Listening to Roman by Edis + Farkımız Var by Hadise

Reading a book from 1967

Eating an indecent amount of cake and ice cream

Drinking tall lattes

Participating in national poetry month

Getting back to the habit of writing every day

Indulging in picnics and coffee dates

Playing with my new (but old) Sony Walkman

Ticking off goals from my spring checklist

Slowly but surely getting stripped off my spring colors too soon

But trying to reinvigorate nonetheless

Wearing black nail polish

Pushing myself to gain some weight

Feeling frustrated and out of place

Craving a new adventure

Also craving a visit to a floral cafe



Only God knows how I anticipated March with much urgency, and a rush of yellow ink filled up my veins as it came. I don’t think a lot of happy things took place this month, but because I started it with joy and eagerness, my heart would only remember it as blissfully yellow. I am very fond of spring, and being preoccupied with flowers and poetry is the best way to spend my days. So thankful for March.. so thankful.

Listening to Söz by Aydın Kurtoğlu + Beni İyi Sanıyorlar by Oğuzhan Koç

Eating walnuts and almonds

Reading books outside my usual reading genre

Slowly making the switch from sugar to honey

Facing all sorts of slumps: reading slump, writing slump…etc

Wearing a heart locket

Drinking cappuccino with honey and cinnamon

Ticking goals off of my spring checklist

Running out of space for my books

Planting tecoma seeds & wistfully awaiting next March to witness its growth

Trying my hardest to clear my skin out (but failing)

Feeling unusually cheesy and lovey-dovey

Revisiting my favorite poetry books

Craving a new flower crown

Also craving having more flower plants in our garden

Looking forward to turning twenty five


If I think of February, all that comes to mind is this: the month of love. I had kept this the basis of how I wanted my month to be, overfilled with affection, and in a sense, it has guided me through the not-so-lovely-days. I challenged myself this month to write every day, and the outcome of that was coming to realize that writer’s block is nothing but a myth. I’ve been facing weird days as usual, but writing took my mind off of it.

Listening to Başka Biri by Güven Yüreyi + Yağmur by İlyas Yalçıntaş feat. Aytaç Kart

Drinking hazelnut latte

Reading Daisy Miller and Other Stories by Henry James

Eating walnuts

Chopping the damaged bits of my hair

Wearing layered coin necklaces

Practicing driving around town (post obtaining license)

Feeling hints of spring

Challenging myself to write every day

Facing a lot of “weird” days

Curling my hair and putting flowers in it for no reason

Filling up books with page markers

Finishing up my red journal at last (2014-2018)

Feeling nostalgic and reflective

Contemplating updating the vision board and mood board

Spending less time on my phone/laptop

Anticipating spring with urgency


New year, same me? January came by carrying nothing a brand-new slate, and I chose this opportunity to leave everything behind, officially and unapologetically. So far, it’s a jumpy ride, which is understandable as I am trying to get used to the new chapter. Winter is making me cold, and I am trying my hardest to warm my heart with a book and a blanket. Though not everything is going my way, there are still eleven months in the year.

Listening to Derdim Çok by Hande Ünsal (feat. Ozan Doğulu) + Kulup by Demet Akalın (feat. Ozan Doğulu)

Drinking garden cress seed drink

Wearing a preloved vintage watch

Eating (or drinking?) chicken soup

Challenging myself to not eat chips for 30 days

Also challenging myself not to be in bed until bedtime

Contemplating buying a new bookcase

Welcoming a new member to the family

Starting the first bullet journal of the year

Feeling moody and uninspired

Babysitting kids and kittens

Failing to read as avidly as I read last year

Also failing to find time for myself

Craving a bouquet of flowers

Feeling active and inactive simultaneously

Hoping for closure


December started off on a strange note; I found myself so depressed, standing by the harbor, watching the sunset with a Costa latte in hand yet feeling nothing at all. Wherever I went, I just wanted to be back home even though I trod my favorite places. The month was a blur, honestly, where I read at days, then ignored my books completely. And writing would never knock on my door. Toward the mid of December, gray clouds, heavy rains, and lightning started to bless our skies. They were the perfect distraction to my densely-polluted head.

Listening to Yaktım Gemileri by Uğur Etiler + Gel De Uyu by Soner Sarıkabadayı

Reminiscing over Costa Coffee

Also reminiscing over the chapters of 2017

Drinking caramel latte

Eating barbecued burger

Feeling exceptionally emotional, especially over losing a kitten

Also feeling very tired and sleepy

Collecting montages and polaroids to commemorate the year

Failing to write (but what’s new?)

Wearing a turban

Buying journals, camera sheets, and books

Slowly trying to beat my gratuitous anxiety episodes

Taking life one step at a time

Reading a poetry collection by Thom Gunn

Anticipating good news in the upcoming weeks


A few days into November, I caved in and informed the world of my timid fancy that I have for a child of November. It wasn’t an easy transition, but thankfully it was a fleeting feeling. I was then infused with stress and anxiety this month that blinded me from the world. Lost in my bubble and my “don’t share anything with anyone” protocol, I found myself too inundated with this month’s routine, followed by nightmares, along with overconfidence and doubtfulness all merged. It was just frustration upon anxious mornings upon insomnia. If there’s a silver lining here, I wish the skies would hint me something.

Drinking toffee nut latte

Eating Lindt Excellence milk chocolate bar

Listening to Sıfır Tolerans by Hadise + Hun Bun by Cira

Wearing a black-and-red plaid shirt around my waist

Shamelessly obsessing over Edis Görgülü

Feeling exceptionally anxious and stressed

Consumed by fear and overconfidence simultaneously

Failing to finish reading my currently-reading books

Rewatching Little Mosque on the Prairie

Gradually going back to my bitter persona/attitude

Terminating online conversations

Collecting jasmines and tabebuias

Setting up a flag pole for the upcoming national day

Petting new kittens

Reflecting on the past eleven months

Chasing the clouds

Wishing for calmer days


I thought the poetry bug would have jolted its way out of my life after September declared its end, but to my surprise, it kept buzzing in my ears words lusting for attention. So much confusion came with October: aiming high then landing hard on concrete. Perhaps it’s because this month, I chose to completely neglect my bullet journal, and with that, I fell off the map. There’s good things in aiming for a no-specific-goals month where my agenda is open for ANYTHING; however, the bad news is not knowing if what I’ve done was enough.

Drinking Pumpkin Spice Latte

Listening to Ağlar mıyım? Ağlamam by Ziynet Sali + İnsan Sevmez Mi? by Soner Sarıkabadayı

Eating Kitkats and coffee biscuits

Obsessing over my black platform boots

Also obsessing over Aydın Kurtoğlu’s latest music video

Reading Moan About Men by Juliana Foster

Contemplating starting either a commonplace book or a poetry journal

Feeling perplexed, frail, and stressed

Wearing a white loose tee and pastel blue pants

Pressing yellow oleanders in poetry books

Blushing excessively

Also feeling proud about my writing for ONCE

Making peace with my current personality

Craving the darkness of November