New year, same me? January came by carrying nothing a brand-new slate, and I chose this opportunity to leave everything behind, officially and unapologetically. So far, it’s a jumpy ride, which is understandable as I am trying to get used to the new chapter. Winter is making me cold, and I am trying my hardest to warm my heart with a book and a blanket. Though not everything is going my way, there are still eleven months in the year.

Listening to Derdim Çok by Hande Ünsal (feat. Ozan Doğulu) + Kulup by Demet Akalın (feat. Ozan Doğulu)

Drinking garden cress seed drink

Wearing a preloved vintage watch

Eating (or drinking?) chicken soup

Challenging myself to not eat chips for 30 days

Also challenging myself not to be in bed until bedtime

Contemplating buying a new bookcase

Welcoming a new member to the family

Starting the first bullet journal of the year

Feeling moody and uninspired

Babysitting kids and kittens

Failing to read as avidly as I read last year

Also failing to find time for myself

Craving a bouquet of flowers

Feeling active and inactive simultaneously

Hoping for closure



December started off on a strange note; I found myself so depressed, standing by the harbor, watching the sunset with a Costa latte in hand yet feeling nothing at all. Wherever I went, I just wanted to be back home even though I trod my favorite places. The month was a blur, honestly, where I read at days, then ignored my books completely. And writing would never knock on my door. Toward the mid of December, gray clouds, heavy rains, and lightning started to bless our skies. They were the perfect distraction to my densely-polluted head.

Listening to Yaktım Gemileri by Uğur Etiler + Gel De Uyu by Soner Sarıkabadayı

Reminiscing over Costa Coffee

Also reminiscing over the chapters of 2017

Drinking caramel latte

Eating barbecued burger

Feeling exceptionally emotional, especially over losing a kitten

Also feeling very tired and sleepy

Collecting montages and polaroids to commemorate the year

Failing to write (but what’s new?)

Wearing a turban

Buying journals, camera sheets, and books

Slowly trying to beat my gratuitous anxiety episodes

Taking life one step at a time

Reading a poetry collection by Thom Gunn

Anticipating good news in the upcoming weeks


A few days into November, I caved in and informed the world of my timid fancy that I have for a child of November. It wasn’t an easy transition, but thankfully it was a fleeting feeling. I was then infused with stress and anxiety this month that blinded me from the world. Lost in my bubble and my “don’t share anything with anyone” protocol, I found myself too inundated with this month’s routine, followed by nightmares, along with overconfidence and doubtfulness all merged. It was just frustration upon anxious mornings upon insomnia. If there’s a silver lining here, I wish the skies would hint me something.

Drinking toffee nut latte

Eating Lindt Excellence milk chocolate bar

Listening to Sıfır Tolerans by Hadise + Hun Bun by Cira

Wearing a black-and-red plaid shirt around my waist

Shamelessly obsessing over Edis Görgülü

Feeling exceptionally anxious and stressed

Consumed by fear and overconfidence simultaneously

Failing to finish reading my currently-reading books

Rewatching Little Mosque on the Prairie

Gradually going back to my bitter persona/attitude

Terminating online conversations

Collecting jasmines and tabebuias

Setting up a flag pole for the upcoming national day

Petting new kittens

Reflecting on the past eleven months

Chasing the clouds

Wishing for calmer days


I thought the poetry bug would have jolted its way out of my life after September declared its end, but to my surprise, it kept buzzing in my ears words lusting for attention. So much confusion came with October: aiming high then landing hard on concrete. Perhaps it’s because this month, I chose to completely neglect my bullet journal, and with that, I fell off the map. There’s good things in aiming for a no-specific-goals month where my agenda is open for ANYTHING; however, the bad news is not knowing if what I’ve done was enough.

Drinking Pumpkin Spice Latte

Listening to Ağlar mıyım? Ağlamam by Ziynet Sali + İnsan Sevmez Mi? by Soner Sarıkabadayı

Eating Kitkats and coffee biscuits

Obsessing over my black platform boots

Also obsessing over Aydın Kurtoğlu’s latest music video

Reading Moan About Men by Juliana Foster

Contemplating starting either a commonplace book or a poetry journal

Feeling perplexed, frail, and stressed

Wearing a white loose tee and pastel blue pants

Pressing yellow oleanders in poetry books

Blushing excessively

Also feeling proud about my writing for ONCE

Making peace with my current personality

Craving the darkness of November


September started off colorfully; it almost felt like spring was hiding in the bushes. My springtime routine found its way back to my life, and I was flipping through poetry books, taking photos, and treading the pathways of a plants nursery. A few days in, I found myself too weary, avoiding both my desk and my reading nook. I just wanted to be in bed, watching whatever pops up on my social feed. I am, however, trying to reinvigorate myself.

Drinking cappuccino

Listening to I Like Me Better by Lauv + Havadan Sudan by Ebru Yaşar

Eating potatoes

Reevaluating old friendships and reminiscing over their termination

Hiding behind locked blog posts

Reading here and there and everywhere

Crushing on Bri Guy from Youtube

Wearing a maroon dress

Experiencing A LOT of “fail” days

Feeling exceptionally frustrated over the situation of our job market

Also feeling nostalgic

Fangirling over the pink hues in the skies

Loving the gradual drop of weather

Fearing making any decisions

Eagerly waiting for fall


August is one of the few months I anticipate eagerly; it’s the season of dark, autumnal poems, and the month the summer heat lessens. After July’s bitterness, August didn’t necessarily come to wipe away the ashes, but it promised me clouds and a lunar eclipse, which was good enough for my soul.

Listening to Sayın Seyirciler by Ozan Doğulu feat. Ece Seçkin + Sen Olsan Bari by Aleyna Tilki

Wearing navy blue pajamas

Drinking Costa’s caramel lattes

Ticking off new cafes from my cafes-to-visit list

Feeling very moody

Reading The Pull of Gravity by Gae Polisner

Watching Turkish movies on Youtube

Craving pancakes, waffles, and ice cream (not all at once)

Eating milk and cereal

Obsessing over tic tac mints

Restraining myself from spending money

Lacking words and inspiration

Wrapping up my summer bucket list goals

Also wrapping up my third bullet journal of the year

Falling madly in love with nature and the moon

Buying second-hand books

Wishing for brighter, cooler days

Anticipating September



I started off the month by saying: I have high hopes about July, and let’s just say I still do. There was something so inspiring about July and that’s maybe because I believe in this: bad first half of the year then good last half of the year. So to me, July was always that month of resolution and seeking clarity. It’s midsummer, and my heart is full of sunshine, even when my days aren’t.

Listening to Yolla by Tarkan + Tekamül by Soner Sarıkabadayı

Drinking white mocha

Eating chicken noodles

Feeling very hopeful and blushy and empathetic

Obsessing over Seán McLoughlin

Watching PewDiePie and Jacksepticeye like there’s no tomorrow

Daydreaming about Edis Görgülü

Practicing resilience and empathy

Wearing my hair in a low, loose bun

Failing to find content for the blog as usual

Gaining weight slowly but surely

Stress-eating chips

Successfully fulfilling my July goal of not shopping

Avoiding my desk and spending my nights bedbound

Fearing how fast the days and weeks go by

Tried watching Supergirl but stopped at episode 3

Craving all the desserts in the world

Anticipating the day I land a job because I’m TIRED here